Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I love having hate sex.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
