yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
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He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
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i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize