I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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