The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
