He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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