she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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