So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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