I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
