booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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