And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
