today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
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Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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