you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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