I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
