Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
