break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
