nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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