I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
