My cat gives me a boner
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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