I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
