I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize