Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
