If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
