so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That's how pantless uber rides happen
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
