you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
