I wish I could punch you in the face.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
