Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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