this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
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Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
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Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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