So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
