I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
