i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
