We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
