How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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