i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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