there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You're a waste of cheezeits
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
