He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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