my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm like, not good at living.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
