He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
