doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
