It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
