Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Shame - the story of my life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
