Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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