I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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