I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
