Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
pop tarts are not kleenex
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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