dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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