ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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