His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
