I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
