i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
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I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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