and she was petting her beer can
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
