Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
