Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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