Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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