maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
