Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
