PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
