You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
