oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
