Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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