My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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