Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
