he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
