Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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