I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
