I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
