He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
