If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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