Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
