please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ketchup is God's man juice
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
