I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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