i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
