If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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